Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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