these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
