she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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