47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
