dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh god it's open bar.
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