hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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