I must be too annoying 4 u.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
