we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
