I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
