Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
