You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
