i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I believe in your delicious
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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