Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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