Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
