I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
