Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
