so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize