You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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