Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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