ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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