census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
