I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
