Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
