I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
