I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
