Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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