the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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