was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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