he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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