I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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