Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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