Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
