Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
