We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
