dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
