i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
