I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
