you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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