He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
