a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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