I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
