The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
