i would punch a child for taco bell
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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