how can u be prego again
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
