Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The power of my boobs compel you
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
