She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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