Can Purell be used as lube?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
