I can tuck mytits in my pants
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
