I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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