Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
