Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
