How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
