i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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