worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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