shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
