Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
