A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
