How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
