I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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