She's JV to your varsity
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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