I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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