yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
