all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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