It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
