You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
