last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
