if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
